FLEECES, FAITH AND THE FUTURE
At the moment I’m in a process of waiting to see if the money comes in with sufficient time to get me on a YWAM DTS that starts at the end of March. Last week I was talking with someone about it, and their response to the question of the money was that if it didn’t come in, then it wasn’t the right thing to do. I responded with something like “Or maybe just not His timing or something”. What I actually meant was the “Or something”. You see, they viewed it a little bit like Gideon and his fleece. “God, if the money comes in by X date then I’ll know that it’s your will”. And to an extent it’s true, in that if the money comes in I go, if it doesn’t then I won’t be able to buy the flight so I won’t. Yet. But that doesn’t make it God’s will or not. It doesn’t mean the money is my fleece. You see, I know that God is saying ‘yes’ to this and it’s a question of how and not if. That’s beside the point though because even if I wasn’t sure, the money wouldn’t be my fleece. And nor would anything else, because I feel like I’ve reached a stage where I’m not going to be putting down fleeces. Or at least, if I find myself in a position where I’m struggling knowing God’s will to the extent I’m tempted, I’m going to think carefully about what I choose to put down.
First though, for people not familiar with the story, let me clarify what I mean by ‘fleece’. In Judges 6:36-40 Gideon is trying to determine God’s will regarding Israel and an upcoming battle. He sets down a fleece and says that if the ground is dry but there is dew on the fleece, he knows it’s God. The next night, still battling to determine if this really is God, he switches it over: “Let it now be dry on the fleece, but on the ground let there be dew”. Sure enough, both times that Gideon tests God, God responds and Gideon follows the leadership God gives him. And so, the ‘fleece’ I’m talking about is not the thing produced by North Face that we all have hiding in a closet for our cozy days. It’s a test to determine if something is God’s will.
“God, if ABC happens then I’ll know you want me to do XYZ”.
“If someone buys my train ticket for this upcoming conference then I know it’s Your will that I go”.
“If it rains tomorrow then it’s not Your will. If a skating bear comes and gives me a pink rose with a blue ribbon then I know You want to me to change jobs, marry the guy from down the street and name our first child Algernon.”
Actually, if that happened then it really would erradicate all doubt! But even without disturbing thoughts of skating bears, you get the idea. A fleece is a test; a way of discerning if something really is of God.
Gideon did it. God clearly answered him and we see nothing to say that God was displeased with Gideon for testing him this way. Why then have I reached a stage where I shy away from fleeces?
One is that simply, God desires to communicate clearly with us, and not necessarily through tricks, signs and indicators other than simply being close enough to him to hear Him. He’s a God who loves relationship. His word tells us we hear his voice. It tells us he does nothing without revealing his plans to us and that it’s His glory to hide a matter and ours to search it out. He wants us to come into His presence and seek His heart and to learn it. And frankly, dialogue and journaling with Him is a much better relationship builder than just asking Him to send a token. That said, I know it’s still not always easy to hear clearly, especially if we think something may have become an idol in our heart; a filter or desire that we hear Him through. (quick aside.....mature, spirit-filled friends who are unafraid to say ‘no’ are great for these times!).
Secondly, I’ve realised that too often our ‘fleeces’ are those that are too easily influenced by our humanity to truly reflect what is on the heart of the Father. We set tests that are often not determined supernaturally and answered by God, but rather answered by the leanings of a human heart or by situations completely unrelated to our own. What do I mean by that? Let’s take the example of the bus ticket and explore a little bit.
I want to go to a conference. I believe God may have released me to go to it. I share this with my home group, and say I’m praying about it and waiting on God to see what He says. However, there’s no way that I can pay the cost of getting there, so I put the fleece out. “God, if it’s you leading me, then you will give me the bus fare”. Seems reasonable. I mean after all, without it being given to me somehow, I’m not going to that conference. Therefore, it would seem if I get it, God wanted me there. If I don’t, then He didn’t. Easy. Except! That takes no account of the condition of the human heart. Maybe, when I shared that at the home group, God, knowing my fleece, nudged someone to give. They had just lost their job though and – because they were raised in a home with little money - struggle a little bit to trust God as their provider. And so they decide it’s simply not wise, and ignore that nudge. I don’t get my ticket, therefore I don’t go. But was that’s God’s will?
Likewise, there may have been another couple sitting there. Great couple, love the Lord, raising a couple of great kids, doing their best to live out the model we see of the church in Acts; giving selflessly and helping each other. They were each raised in homes where they carried a lot of responsibility though and kind of have a bit of a saviour complex. They’re not used to hearing or saying ‘no’ and are actually on the verge of burnout from carrying the weight of all the requests they answer with a ‘yes’. They don’t know about my fleece but know from my past conversations I wouldn’t have the money. Without asking God “Should we do this?”, and ignoring the check they have in their spirit (because hey, God loves generosity right?), they leap in and buy the ticket. So I go. But was that God’s will?
When my fleece is dependent on the action of another, I make their response His will. Without meaning to, I have implied that God is going to control the actions of another of His creation to be able to give the right answer my question.
OUCH!
But really, that’s what it comes down to. Think about it. If God is saying ‘yes’, but that ‘yes’ has to be shown to me through the actions of another, then for God to give me His true answer means He has to control someone and MAKE them do something. And that’s not the God I love. That’s not the God of the Bible who loves relationship and releases freedom, self-governance and choice to His creation.
I’m not saying He doesn’t answer and move through others and that God won’t confirm things through people with or without them knowing it. In fact it’s BECAUSE He does and so many of the things we would ask of Him in confirmation ARE dependent on others that I now hesitate with testing Him! I’m not saying He doesn’t know already what people choose. I’m not saying He couldn’t overcome our choices or only ask people He knows will give the right response. What I AM saying is that I can’t use human action to determine if something is God’s will for my life. As the actions of others are a response to His invitation and not automatic obedience of a non-negotiable command, I can’t automatically make their actions an accurate answer without removing free will and choices. How awkward that becomes when we look at the limitations of the human heart and its response to God’s invitations!
I learned a hard lesson about this last year. There was a situation I wasn’t sure about. I had some prophetic confirmation through others, but I was still hesitant to commit without having an undoubted ‘yes’ and so I put down a fleece. And another. And another. And yet another. And...... Five in total (Yes FIVE!) And you know what? All those fleeces came back as a ‘yes’. Five, “God, I need to know if this really is you?” questions, all answered with a resounding “Yes, this is my will”.
Exciting huh?
And it was, it really was! To have confirmation after confirmation through my fleeces – even though at times what I was seeing would suggest otherwise – was great. So I jumped in aaaaaaand......nothing. Turns out the answer from another person involved in it was a ‘no’. After me inquiring of the Lord, getting the answer and going with it, having had a ‘yes’ from my fleeces, and being sure this WAS God, the choice of another meant that ultimately it didn’t happen.
Why?
Two possibilities and they both boil down to free will, choices and human condition.
My fleeces were all dependent on the actions of people or things around me. Words. Deeds. That means may or may not have been a true reflection of what God was saying. Secondly, for the outcome to be as I felt God was saying was His will, the situation involved another. They may or may not have put down fleeces of their own (which may or may not have been answered in accordance with God’s will...wow, this is taking on an “Inception” feel), and who made choices of their own in response to what they heard. The fleeces helped me determine that I believed God was saying ‘yes’, but because of free will, they didn’t determine the outcome. In all honesty, I knew it was God’s will without the fleeces but I was using them to try and tell me what would happen with the direction He was leading, and His heart and the final human outcome, are often different things.
I’m not opposed to them completely. There are times it’s helpful to have confirmation. I’m not saying I will never do it again. My hesitation now is how and when I choose to be a Gideon. I’d rather draw closer to God, go away to the secret place with Him to hear him anyway, but there are a few things that I think I’ve decided regarding to fleece or not to fleece:
Firstly, I’m going to dialogue first. Directly with God and then with friends and family who I know hear God and aren’t afraid to say something if they have concerns or really believe I’ve heard wrong.
Second, if I am going to put out a fleece, that fleece needs to be completely supernatural. Not something like money coming in through others or a particular response from someone. I’m going to be looking for indicators that can ONLY be God. With no-one knowing what Gideon had asked of God, there is no way his answer was anything other than God. I mean, if money appeared inexplicably in my wallet that was locked away and inaccessible to humans, that would be one thing. If a total stranger came up to me in the street and delivered a message that would be something. And goodness, if that bear with the roller skates ever really brings that rose then I am DEFINITELY paying attention! But I won’t be making the actions of the non-robotic, non-controlled, non-puppet-of-a-divine-being human heart determine what the desires are of my Heavenly Father.
Finally, when I know something to be God however it was confirmed, I am going to cling to it but hold it loosely. Really? Cling but hold loosely? Is that possible? What does that even mean?
It means I am going to hold fast to what God has shown me. I am going to pray it in, I’m going to pursue it and I’m going to ask others to walk the journey with me...but I’m not going to take it as the final outcome because I know that there are things in this human journey that may delay or postpone it, or even have me choosing a different road to journey. If that happens, I’m not going to have a crisis and accuse and blame God. I asked Him His will, not for a fortune cookie saying yes or no to how, when and if it would happen. I’m not going to decide I can’t hear Him or believe the heresy that He lies to us. Instead I will choose to recognise that somewhere along the line there was something of our humanity in the picture.
I’m going to try and walk my journey by faith not fleeces. By hearing and responding to the word of God. And yes, there will be times when actions or situations determine outcomes. But I’m not going to use that as my benchmark for knowing the will of God. He is good and understanding and patient and so he knows he knows and responds to our need for fleeces, but I’m going to try and do it differently. I’m going to try and walk with Him, and allow God alone to speak.
