WHY GOD HATES DIVORCE
A few weeks ago a friend posted this article about why God hates divorce. She makes some interesting and good points regarding how churches respond to divorce, but to me it didn't really reveal what I believe to be God's heart. It hinted at it, but I thought there was more to say so instead of just criticising, I decided to have a go myself. Before I start I want to say something. This is in no way judging anyone's decision to divorce (you'll see why!). If you're divorced of thinking of divorcing you won't find any condemnation here. In fact, my hope is that somehow I manage to articulate what I believe God is saying and because of that, you find healing here.
Why God Hates Divorce.
Simply put, God doesn't like divorce because it's the opposite of his kingdom. Nothing about it is in line with his ways. Marriage is supposed to be a gift to us that teaches us something of the kingdom; something of becoming one, being joined with another, of loving unconditionally, serving and preferring each other. Laying down a life for the sake of another. Jesus himself is our bridegroom, and Truth says that we will never be left, forsaken, abandoned. Rather, we're loved and joined with Christ forever. Marriage is supposed to reflect and teach that. The whole book of Hosea is a clear picture of that for us: no matter how far the bride falls and strays, no matter her unfaithfulness, no matter her hatred, no matter WHAT, the groom will forever love and pursue and choose his bride. That's Truth. That's Kingdom. It's pretty clear that divorce is the opposite to this so I could end here, but I believe there's more to be said.....
Our earthly experiences often shape our faith and our view of God, and can often become more powerful in shaping our thoughts than what we read in his word. Without these thoughts being 'checked' we take these things as being true and use them both consciously and sub-consciously to form expectations and beliefs about ourselves, others and God. For example, if my parents and siblings constantly break their promises to me as a young child, I learn not to trust people and to hold lightly to what people say. I learn that words have little value and probably won't receive (or use) 'I promise' as actually being a real commitment either when someone else says it to me, or when I in turn use the phrase myself.
With this in mind, it's pretty obvious that if we go through a divorce what we then think when we hear 'bridegroom', what we think about love and about the value of our very being is going to be the opposite to the true nature and character of God. It will be the opposite of how he relates to us and the opposite of his desire for our lives. Prematurely ending something that is supposed to last 'til death do us part' creates a wrong view of 'union', a wrong view of commitment, a wrong view of ourselves, and a wrong view of God; our coming bridegroom.
Even moreso, we can begin to wear the status of being divorced - and all it brings with it - like a label. It becomes our identity. A wrong identity. In turn, that stops us from living life abundantly.
That's why God hates it. Not - as some teach - because we've broken of a set of rules regulations. Rather, it's the destruction it leaves in its wake.
Divorce damages the precious hearts and minds for which God himself is constantly fighting.
Divorce destroys and kills where God desires life.
Undealt with and unhealed, it separates us from him and that's what truly grieves him. It's not a frustration that we couldn't keep to 'the rules'. If that was the case then God wouldn't have made provision for divorce in certain circumstances.
It's not that it is any worse than any number of things we all struggle with on a daily basis. Rather, it's because God wants our hearts whole. Whole. Complete. Undamaged. Wholly able to love and wholly able to receive love.
Divorce hinders that.
So what does actually divorce teach? What is it that's so contrary to God's heart? If we break it down, what are those lies? There are any number of ungodly beliefs and expectations formed depending on the circumstances. I couldn't possibly name every one that has ever affected every person, and each person who has been through a divorce will struggle with different things and all to a different extent, but there are a few that seem to be a common thread:
Divorce tells me I'm rejected, insufficient, unable to satisfy let alone delight and it brings shame BUT
Truth says I'm accepted, enough, chosen and honoured.
Divorce tells me I'm unlovely, unlovable and unworthy BUT
Truth says I'm his delight, loved, cherished and he makes me worthy.
Divorce tells me promises are flexible and that they can be broken based on my weaknesses or the whim of another
BUT
Truth says "You're mine forever". Forever. Beyond the boundary of time. Into eternity.
Divorce leaves me lonely, fighting for myself and walking alone.
BUT
Truth is constantly with me, fights for me, surrounds me, defends me and walks before, alongside and behind me. I'm never alone.
Divorce tells me I'm unworthy of love, unworthy of that companionship and unswerving devotion.
BUT
Truth says I'm worth fighting for. So precious even that God himself would become man and suffer to ensure I can walk with him, dwell with him, and be with him forever. It was the highest price.
Divorce sows seeds of self-hate, bitterness, distrust. It kills dreams and (in some cases) literally ends the possibility of life.
BUT
Truth sows seeds of hope, joy, love, peace and LIFE.
I'm thankful I am not divorced.
"What? But you were married and now you're not!"
Let me clarify
What I mean by that is that I went through the breaking up of a marriage, but I no longer declare or speak over myself "I'm divorce". At the time and for a few years afterwards, I did use that phrase. I spoke it over myself over and over every time someone asked about a boyfriend or spouse. In doing so, I claimed it as an identity. I became all the things that divorce is. I received and believed all those lies (and more) that it speaks, with the added shame of failure.
But then God came in and spoke with me. He spoke through his written word. He spoke through his revelead word and he spoke through friends and somewhere along the way I stopped believing "I'm divorced". I stopped declaring those words over myself thus reinforcing my agreement with it. I began to see that God doesn't hate me for entering into what is often portrayed in some branches of The Church as an unforgiveable sin. He hates what it did to me, hates why it was necessary....but he doesn't hate me and - contrary to what the box on application forms requires me to say - I am not divorced.
Rather
I am betrothed. My maker is my husband.
Jesus himself is my groom and is coming back for me, his bride.
I am not the things divorce taught me to believe.
But I am provided for.
I am valued
Honoured
Cherished
Desired
Desirable
Accepted
Covered
Protected
Beautiful
Loved with an undying, limitless, eternal love that goes beyond the depths of what we can experience on this earth.
And so are you.
God's dislike of divorce is because he dislikes anything that separates from him. He wants us to know and believe Truth, to know unconditional love, to know security and protection, to know that our imperfections are not a cause for us to be cut off, but rather a prompt for us to grow our character and to grow in relationship as we go deeper and deeper, 'ironing out' the 'kinks' - and being loved beyond them.
He wants us to know true intimacy in body, soul and spirit, to know the constant companioship f a forever friend.
He didn't say 'til death do you part' for the sake of having a petty rule, but because divorce is the opposite to his heart.
Divorce is isolation, brokenness, separation. He is Love. Enduring, sacrificial, pursuing, all-embracing love. And he wants you to know and experience that love without hinderance. He wants the things in your life to be initiated by, fueled, sustained, driven and moving toward that.
That's his heart for you.
If you've been through a divorce as I have, or you're in a position where it really is the safest option for you(and that isn't always just referring to the physical), it's my prayer that you see and KNOW God's heart and find freedom and healing from this season.
At the end of the day, divorce IS the opposite to God. It does teach us wrong things. It does help us to form negative expectations and ungodly beliefs....but it doesn't have to stay that way.
Yes, it's better that we avoid the things that bring pain, but when we don't or can't or that bridge has already been burned, he's there. He died so that we don't have to live with that pain. So we don't have to live believing the lies or struggling in a wrong identity. He binds up the broken hearted.
He restores.
He repays the years the locusts have stolen.
He brings life to broken dreams.
It's my prayer that when you hear about how God hates divorce that you don't receive condemnation. That you (divorced or otherwise) know that his dislike is because of a fierce, fierce love for you that doesn't change.
That you know he weeps over it with you, not because of his rules being broken but because of what it does to your heart.
That he longs to bring you healing and for you to walk free of the label, free of the status, free of the shame and stigma.
He longs for you to hear the song of love he is singing over for you.
Divorce - like many life events - may have clouded that in your mind and in your heart, but it's true.
You are his beloved and his delight is in you.
You are wonderfully and fearfully made and he calls you beautiful.
You are not forsaken.
You are his. He is yours.
Forever
